


you make me heavenly psycho

by forochel



Category: Super Junior
Genre: Angst, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-11-27
Updated: 2009-11-27
Packaged: 2017-11-02 23:06:28
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,436
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/374374
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/forochel/pseuds/forochel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>sungmin-centric; as sungmin and kyuhyun break apart, and kyuhyun and zhoumi come together.</p>
            </blockquote>





	you make me heavenly psycho

  


  


I.  
  
 _Here I love you._  
In the dark pines the wind disentangles itself.  
The moon glows like phosphorous on the vagrant waters.  
Days, all one kind, go chasing each other. 

  
  
  
"What an idiot," Hyukjae says viciously, elbowing Sungmin aside so that he can vault over the back of the sofa and land with a soft thump, almost on Sungmin, who sighs. "It's probably just fanservice, Hyuk, honestly."  
  
"What, like Heechul-hyung and Hankyung-hyung are just fanservice?"  
  
Sungmin shoots Hyukjae a sharp look. "Don't be ridiculous. I'll call and ask Kyuhyun about it tonight." He hears Hyukjae exhale noisily through his nose and feels him squeeze his hand before the sofa reflates as Hyukjae stands up.  
  
"You do that, hyung," Hyukjae says, unusually gentle, and leaves Sungmin to his thoughts.  
  
  


  
II.  
  
 _The snow unfurls in dancing figures._  
A silver gull slips down from the west.  
Sometimes a sail. High, high stars.  
Oh the black cross of a ship.  
Alone.  
  


  
  
  
Kyuhyun answers the phone shouting "FUWUYUAN'R!”; childish and gleeful and completely unlike the solemn, mature child with the delightfully cruel streak that Sungmin had first met and disliked. Why does it take another country to untangle you, he wonders in the silence of his own head. He laughs down the line, and it arrives in China cracked with static and forced. He cannot hear himself, but he can hear it in the way Kyuhyun sobers up immediately and asks, "Sungmin?" Warm and worried and wary.  
  
"It's nothing, I just miss you," he assures Kyuhyun, and smiles at the way Kyuhyun reacts to that, voice immediately dropping low and his anticipatory "Oh?", the suggestion in his voice licking its way up his spine, leaving a warm tingling behind.  
  
A shout of laughter from Kyuhyun's end shatters the moment, and the talk is deflected to other matters - how China has been treating Kyuhyun, if he's learned anymore Chinese, Ryeowook's epic crush on Super Junior M's magnae. Sungmin asks and asks, and Kyuhyun answers, patient and amused.  
  
"How've you been?" Kyuhyun interrupts him in the middle of another inconsequential, safe question. Sungmin pauses, has no words, settles on "I'm fine."  
  
  


  
III.  
  
 _Sometimes I get up early and even my soul is wet._  
Far away the sea sounds and resounds.  
This is a port. 

  
  
  
He dreams that today is the day Kyuhyun comes back.  
  
He dreams that today is the day China shudders apart and releases Kyuhyun to him.  
  
He dreams, and he wakes, alone and lonely and lost.  
  
  


IV.  
  
 _Here I love you._  
Here I love you and the horizon hides you in vain.  
I love you still among these cold things.  
Sometimes my kisses go on those heavy vessels  
that cross the sea towards no arrival.  
I see myself forgotten like those old anchors. 

  
  
  
Today is the day that Kyuhyun comes back.  
  
He is deliriously happy. He _wants_ to be deliriously happy, but he has eyes and ears and Hyukjae and there is a heavy weight settling in his ribcage; it feels almost like despair. Kyuhyun is in their room, unpacking. Sungmin sits on his bed, watches him, watches his movements, stilted and stiff, and he waits.  
  
"Sungmin," Kyuhyun starts, eyes cast down to his feet. Sungmin hates himself a little for this, hates Kyuhyun slightly more for forcing this, and hates China all-consumingly for bringing Zhou Mi to Kyuhyun.  
  
"Kyuhyun-ah," he says, flattening his voice steady and even, hears the tremors in it as he tries his best to be kindly, "I think perhaps you should go back to 'hyung' from now on, okay?"  
  
The look on Kyuhyun's face is stricken, his eyes dark with guilt. For a fleeting moment, Sungmin thinks about reaching out to touch his cheek. He offers a smile instead, small and vacuous; Kyuhyun looks faintly ill and Sungmin feels triumphant. And then he feels sick as well.  
  
"You and - the both of you should be more careful," he says, cruel, self-analysing; he knows what his omission of Zhou Mi's name tells Kyuhyun. "You are neither of you Heechul."  
  
Kyuhyun looks vaguely lost now, and it is screamingly unfair that Sungmin feels faintly bad about this, says the part of his brain that sounds like Hyukjae. He slides off his bed and pads carefully around Kyuhyun to open the door for him.  
  
  


V.  
  
 _The piers sadden when the afternoon moors there._  
My life grows tired, hungry to no purpose.  
I love what I do not have. You are so far.  
My loathing wrestles with the slow twilights.  
But night comes and starts to sing to me. 

  
  
  
Sungmin goes boxing, and one day (two weeks, six days, eighteen hours after the fact) he skins his knuckles on Kangin's teeth. Kangin is immediately horrified and contrite, as though his teeth had slammed themselves into Sungmin's fist. He makes Sungmin wash the blood off and bandages them carefully even as he swears about the dental job he's going to need. It almost makes Sungmin smile.  
  
"Again," Sungmin demands, the only thing he's said since Kangin had arrived.  
  
Kangin drives him back to the dormitory building, grim and sweaty and tired. The silence in the car on the way back is oppressive, suffocating with the weight of Sungmin's frown. Kangin pulls up to the kerb, and turns to Sungmin, looks constipated.  
  
"Dude," Kangin says, and pauses, because they're awkward without the language of fists and Kangin is clumsy with words when it comes to the personal. "Dude," he tries again, "Kids are idiots, yeah?"  
  
Sungmin contemplates rolling his eyes, but this kind of kindness from Kangin is rare, so he nods, says "Yeah, thanks for the ride," and closes the car door delicately with a soft snick.  
  
All he wants and thinks about is showering and possibly sleeping for the entire weekend; he's moving on autopilot towards his room when he's brought up short by the sight of Kyuhyun slouching against his door. Sungmin is vaguely surprised Hyukjae hasn't popped up to hiss at him like a deranged meerkat.  
  
Kyuhyun shoots upright when Sungmin leans against the wall opposite the door to what had been their room, and raises an eyebrow at him. It hurts, more than it had when Kangin had headbutted him in the stomach. His knuckles ache.  
  
"Hyung, I'm sorry," is the first thing Kyuhyun says, almost pleadingly, looking down at him and he really is impossibly tall; there is a metaphor in here, Sungmin thinks fuzzily over the roar in his ears, something about heights and being far away, or maybe that's a song.  
  
He hears himself echo Kyuhyun, incredulous and god so fucking _weary_ , " _Sorry_? - No," he adds, firm and cold when he sees Kyuhyun shift towards him, "No, you do not get to - you. _Fuck_ ," Sungmin breathes out harshly, because this. He cannot deal with himself and Kyuhyun and his fucking knuckles and bruises and - "Out. Get out." Follows it up with a qualifier, because apparently he is _stupid_ with exhaustion, "Not now. Go."  
  
Sungmin looks up from Kyuhyun's chest, gives Kyuhyun a look the boy's never had from him before.  
  
Kyuhyun bolts.  
  
  


VI.  
  
 _The moon turns its clockwork dream._  
The biggest stars look at me with your eyes.  
And as I love you, the pines in the wind  
want to sing your name with their leaves of wire. 

  
  
  
His frozen silence thaws out of necessity and need. The first time Sungmin quietly asks Kyuhyun to hold a plate for him, the boy almost drops it. Zhou Mi watches them, narrow eyed; Sungmin smiles sweetly in return and keeps a respectful distance.  
  
When everyone has left the communal dinner Hyukjae splashes a pot into the basin violently and says, "What an idiot," elbowing Sungmin aside for the detergent.  
  
Sungmin sighs, "Relationships don't last, Hyuk."  
  
"Yeah?" Hyukjae almost snarls, "How do you explain, I don't know, your or my existence, then?"  
  
"Our existences probably made their relationships last, you know. Love doesn't last. ...You of all people should know that." Sungmin adds, slyly.  
  
Hyukjae just snorts, "Don't fucking try to give me a conscience attack _now_ , hyung. It won't work."  
  
Sungmin bites down on his laughter and turns his attention back to rubbing a plate dry. "All good things must come to an end, young padawan," he intones, aiming for playful and falling short, to his dismay. "It will get better, don't worry about me. Or if you do, buy me chocolate."  
  
If his heart does a little half-skip and something low in his chest twists, sour and aching, when at the concert Kyuhyun slings an arm around his shoulders, laughing and singing into the microphone, Sungmin doesn't flinch away or anything, he just smiles.  
  
---  
  
 

 


End file.
